I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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