her vagine was all disorganized.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
