Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
