Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
