i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
