And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
