You just made me feel so damn special
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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