I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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