Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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