I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
