theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize