we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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