she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Congratulations! We have a period
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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