I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I touched a dick in church today
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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