$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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