This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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