Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
