My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
