Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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