so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
