I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
