I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
