proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
