im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
