My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
