i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
