have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
