I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
