Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
