apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
