I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
