I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
