My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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