i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
