i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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