On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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