I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize