you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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