what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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