i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
