Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
