Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
