Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
