Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
