I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
