It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
