I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
