I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
