dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
