I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
