great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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