he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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