He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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