Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
