apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
