i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
