just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
