Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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