im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
