try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
