Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
