Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He better not be in your backpack
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
