Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
