definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
