the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
