i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
