I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
