she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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