Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize