I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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