meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
