I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
