i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
