I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
