Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
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