Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
