She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
