He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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