The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize