Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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