I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
