I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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