As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
