Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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