I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
